A Demigod Christmas Story
by kumquat42
Summary: When the Roman and Greek camps, the hunters of Artemis, and the magicians of the 21st nome get together for the holidays, what will happen? Includes magical penguins, mistletoe, and Leo's return! Lots of minor shipping! Kissing will happen! Possible spoilers for BoO and TSS! You have been warned! Solangelo (Nico x Will)
1. Khufu's New BFF

**All of the characters and locations and stuff belong to the wonderful Rick Riordan, whom I am not and make no pretense of being. That said, enjoy!**

_Piper's POV_

Piper hated snowboarding. It made her cold and wet and sore all over. You'd think after saving the world from evil multiple times, nothing would phase her, but _nooo_. It just had to be snowboarding!

After they made peace last summer, the two camps had decided that they should do things like holidays together. Because awkward holidays with distant, disapproving relatives hadn't been bad enough, they now had an awkward ski trip with relatives on the godly side! Everyone was invited! The Hunters, the Romans, the Greeks, the Egyptians whom they had met and made peace with last Halloween, and even the Amazons, who had politely declined (thank the gods! Things were bad enough without them and their iron-collared man slaves).

The Apollo kids, Greek and Roman, had joined forces to make this Christmas the most mortifying of them all, with such timeless classics as G_randma Got Run Over by a Centaur, Jingle Swords, I Saw Three Triremes on Christmas Day, _and_ Ambrosia Roasting on an Open Fire_. To make matter worse, rumor had it that Connor and Travis Stoll had joined forces with Lou Ellen and Drew to make some enchanted mistletoe. And one of the Egyptians had summoned an army of magical penguins.

So, just another happy holiday season.

Personally, Pipe just wanted a romantic fireplace with some hot chocolate and a Jason to curl up with. Is that too much to ask? Instead she got snow, lots and lots of snow.

She resigned herself to eternally numb feet as she waited for the next lift with Jason to her left and Annabeth to her right.

"Where's Percy?" She asked her friend.

"Enjoying something warm somewhere warm." He friend said wistfully.

"Too cold for him?" Jason asked. What is the deal with guys and their stupid competitions?

"Apparently he's convinced the goddess of snow is out to get him."

"If there's anyone Khione's out to get it's—" her voice died. Nearly five months and still no word from their fiery friend. The others picked up on her tone and remained silent. Each of them lost in thought. At least until they reached the top and Piper promptly face planted, causing the lift to stop and Jason to nearly run her over.

"Woah, Pipes, you okay?" He asked as he and Annabeth helped her up and out of the way.

"Yeah, just... gonna go and die of embarrassment now." She tried to smile but winced, her face still sore from her most recent, not-so-graceful encounter with gravity.

"Maybe you should..."

"Join Percy in the it's-cold-and-I'm-a-klutz club?"

"Uh..." She interrupted him with a kiss.

"See you tonight if I don't die on the way down!" She shouted as she started sliding down the hill, which would have been pretty cool if she hadn't been going down backwards with only one foot strapped in.

When she finally made it down in almost one piece, twisted ankle and half of a pine tree in her hair not withstanding, she found Thalia standing beneath the doorway cursing every god Piper had ever heard of and more.

"Hey," she said attempting to sound nonchalant, to be honest the daughter of Zeus had always kind of scared her. "What's up?"

"No! Don't—" Thalia started to shout as Piper half-limped through the doorway. "Don't walk through the door, there's enchanted mistletoe."

"Oh," Piper said sheepishly, noticing that her feet had stuck to the floor like someone had painted it with Medea's eternity glue.

"I am so going to kill the Stoll brothers." Thalia vowed before cursing some more.

"So... Are we just stuck here or... what?"

"You're a daughter of Aphrodite, you know the deal with mistletoe." Thalia responded in a rather spiteful tone, as if all mistletoe in the world was Piper's fault.

"Oh." Piper said in a small voice.

They stood there for a while. Piper tried to shift her weight and blacked out. Next thing she knew, she was in Thalia's arm and her ankle was throbbing like crazy.

"Are you alright? You were unconscious for minute there."

"Um, yeah. I may have broken my ankle on the way down the slope. Snowboarding. Not my thing."

"Gods, you need ambrosia!"

"No, I'm fine." She tried to stand, resulting in her nearly passing out again.

"No, you're not." Then Thalia did something totally unexpected that Piper was pretty sure she has hallucinated later. Thalia pressed her lips against Piper's, then picked her up and carried her to the infirmary.

Piper lay on a bed as Thalia chatted with Will Solace. Did that guy ever take a break?

"Nothing to worry about, this is her third injury today. Earlier she a broken leg from when she fell off the ski lift, and before that, she nearly impaled herself during a head on collision with a tree." He was telling Thalia. Gods of Olympus, this was embarrassing.

When he saw she was awake, he turned his attention to her, "no more snowboarding for the week, doctor's orders. If you have to take any more nectar and ambrosia, you'll burn up. As it is, I'll have to wrap your ankle. Can't risk any more godly food."

"Hey, Will, I got the stuff you asked for." Piper nearly jumped out of the bed. Even when he wasn't shadow-traveling, the son of Hades still managed to startle her whenever he entered a room. Absentmindedly, she wondered if he and batman were related, she could definitely she a resemblance.

"Nico." Will's face brightened, which is difficult for the son of a sun god, but it happened whenever he saw Nico di Angelo. The bandages were passed and they both blushed and looked away when their hands brushed. It was obvious, at least to child of Aphrodite or Venus, that they liked each other and why they weren't already together was a mystery to Piper. She began thinking of schemes to get them together by the end of the holiday.

_Sadie's POV_

She cursed basically everything in existence as she ran from a boy, Perry? Peter? Pablo? whatever, whom she had been forced to kiss under the cursed mistletoe. Not that he wasn't hot, with his stupid black hair and stupid troubled, intense green eyes and stupid subtle, toned muscles, or a good kisser. But she had a boyfriend for gods sakes, a confusing, possibly double boyfriend who had an adorable tendency to strangle guys with toilet paper if they tried to hit on her.

Anyway, she was running and cursing good-looking Greeks and magical mistletoe when she tripped over one of Felix's penguins and practically landed in the lap of one of the said good-looking Greeks.

"Hey," he helped her up like a gentleman, "I don't think we've met, Jason Grace, camp Half-blood."

She replied with something eloquent like, "gah! Umm, I, yeah." Thoth's beak! She really did have a way with guys. After a deep breath and count of three she corrected her self, "Sadie Kane, eighteenth nome. So, you're one of those demi-fellows. Yeah?"

He laughed, "demigods. My dad's Jupiter." He said it like you would say, "my dad's name is Earl," or "my mom's making bangers and mash tonight."

"Jupiter... he's the one in the bathrobe with the beard and zapping-ness and stuff, right?" All these gods were going to make her go sky goddess. One religion was hard enough _with_ her dorky brother's help, but add Greek _and_ Roman to the mix? No chance whatsoever.

"You could say that," he said, still laughing, "so you're a magician?"

"Sounds bonkers, but yup! Path of Isis, goddess of not helping me when I actually need it." She said the last part rather loud, hoping the goddess would over hear and apologize for not helping Sadie out of a particular doorway... No such luck.

Panicked shouts, both human and baboon, came from down the hall.

Sadie sighed, "I have to go, my baboon's trying to befriend someone."

"What?" Jason said, looking like hoped to have misheard her.

"You heard." At that, she rose and sprinted down the hall, followed closely by the son of Jupiter

When they found the center of the disturbance, there was a sight so priceless, it made the entire holiday worth it, penguins included. Their baboon, Khufu, was riding on the shoulders of a skinny, dark haired boy in black clothes. Khufu was trying to braid Cheerios and pink feathers into the boy's hair, which Sadie thought would've been a vast improvement on the black shirt, black jeans, and black leather jacket look which only a certain funeral god was allowed to pull off (at least in her books). The boy on the other hand was running around in a panic trying to remove the unwanted hitchhiker, and he was being chased by a blond, surfer-looking guy who was shouting helpful encouragements like "look out, there's a wall!" and "try head-banging!" to no effect. Keeled over on one of the beds was a girl with spiky black hair and silvery clothes, she was clutching her stomach and howling with laughter. On another bed was a girl who was somehow managing to sleep throughout the uproar, her foot was propped up on several pillow and in some kind of cast.

"Khufu, stop it!" Sadie shouted after enjoying the scene for a minute or so. The baboon stopped moving along with his new best friend and the guy chasing them.

"Nice hat, di Angelo." Jason commented from somewhere behind her, still breathless from laughter.

"Shut it, Grace, I would summon skeletons to drag you Tartarus." The dark-haired boy somehow managed to look intimidating with a baboon on his shoulders, which is not an easy feat.

"Would?"

"I made him swear on Styx not to use underworld-y magic until the trip is over." Surfer dude said, making Khufu's new friend scowl.

"Lucky me."

Khufu's friend ignored Jason and held his hand out to Sadie, "Nico di Angelo, son of Hades... or Pluto... either way." How he managed to look dignified with a baboon grooming his hair for insects will remain a mystery.

"So that's why he likes you so much!" Was all she could think to say.

"What?"

"Khufu, the baboon," she pointed, "he has this obsession with things that end in O, Cheerios, Doritos, burritos, jell-O, flamingos, et cetera."

"Oh, I get it!" Surfer dude interjected, "you're Nic**o** di Angel**o**, son of Plut**o**! You must be like, perfection in his mind!"

Hold up, did Nico just blush at being called the perfect guy for a baboon? Sadie decided she must investigate this.

"Anyway, I'm Sadie Kane of the Egyptians across the river, path of Isis and all that stuff. You are?"

"Oh, Will Solace son of Apollo." He held out his hand.

"You are aware on the flamingo feath—" she began to say to Nico when she was interrupted by a loud alarm that was meant to call the campers and magicians and whatnot to supper, but it sounded a lot more like a World War II bombing siren to Sadie.

_To be continued... _

**_Who should I include next? Leave a review and win an invisible penguin! Also this is my first fanfic so I'm sorry if characters are OOC or something!_**


	2. Janitor's Closet Meeting

**All of the characters and locations and stuff belong to the wonderful Rick Riordan, whom I am not and make no pretense of being. That said, enjoy!**

_Reyna's POV_

It's official, this Christmas trip will be the death of Camp Jupiter's senior praetor. It wasn't bad enough that the cursed mistletoe seemed to follow her wherever she went or that her new unofficial title was "the penguin wrangler", now she had to lead her legionnaires in these horrible Christmas songs:

_On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:_

_Twelve gods a-leaping,_

_Eleven lares grumbling,_

_Ten Pipers speaking,_

_Nine naiads splashing,_

_Eight augurs lying,_

_Seven demigods flying,_

_Six monsters melting,_

_Five golden apples,_

_Four hippocampi,_

_Three scary fates,_

_Two new friends,_

_And a coach Hedge with a baseball bat!_

"Thank the gods that's over." Nico muttered from behind her, she turned and saw the son of Hades as she had never seen him before: grinning and blushing with his pink feathers and cereal in his hair and a baboon on his shoulders.

"Nico... what in the name of Apollo's sacred sunglasses happened to you?" she felt his forehead for a fever, "did you get hit on the head? Have you been drinking eggnog with rum in it? Did this baboon hex you?"

"No, is it so strange to see me smiling?"

She raised an eyebrow, wondering if Nico had intentionally made a joke, either way it was weird. "Smiling? maybe... but red as a cherry with a baboon for a hat? Definitely strange. Now tell me what happened before I force it out of the baboon."

"Baboon...? Oh, you mean Khufu. He's my new best friend and accessory." Nico fit bumped the baboon who had been grooming his already messy, black hair for insects, or possibly cereal.

"The baboon is your new friend?"

"Yes."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Yes."

"Who are you and what have you done Nico di Angelo? He's about this tall," she gestured right next to Nico's head, "wears only black, never smiles, and only talks to dead people."

Nico grinned wider, "a lot can happen in five months."

Reyna eyes widened and her jaw dropped, "you met someone!"

"What? No!" Nico almost shouted, blushing a pink that matched the feathers in his hair quite nicely.

"You have!" Reyna shouted triumphantly, "what's he look like? What's his name? Can I meet him? Does he know you like him?"

Nico was now as red as a strawberry, he seemed very focused on a speck of dirt on the floor, "at least now I know what it's like to have an embarrassing mom." he mumbled. Khufu patted him sympathetically on the head.

"Mom?! Nico di Angelo! Do I look like I'm old enough to be your mother?" she shouted indignantly. Their conversation was now drawing the attention of passerby's.

He mumbled something under his breath.

"Speak up!"

"Technically, I'm old enough to be your grandfather, so I wouldn't say no."

He walked away proudly with Khufu giving him a congratulatory round of applause which was quickly picked up by the other holidayers, it was a rare occasion that left the praetor at a loss for words.

_Percy's POV_

For Percy, the holiday season had always been a quiet thing. Just him and his mom (not counting Smelly Gabe) exchanging small gifts, and a blue candy cane in his stocking. But not this year, the camps had really gone all out; he had a luxury suite (that he had to share with Jason but they basically ignored each other); there was skiing and snowboarding and ice-skating and Percy's personal favorite tubing; there was enchanted mistletoe that had led to some interesting encounters (the most recent being with Nico di Angelo and a baboon); seeing Frank and Hazel and Thalia was really great, but the best thing by far was the food. Hot chocolate, turkey, pot roast, every pie and casserole ever, all the greasy fried foods Percy had been missing since he was at camp, and best of all, blue christmas cookies!

Percy was in heaven.

After another mouthwateringly amazing meal, Piper grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into a janitor's closet where Reyna, Hazel, Jason, and a blonde girl with red, white, and green streaks in her hair were waiting.

"Wha—" Percy asked, which pretty much summed up the situation.

Piper sushed him, "whisper." she ordered.

"Sorry," he whispered very loudly, "what's going on and didn't I kiss you earlier?" he directed the second part of his question to holly jolly hair girl.

She blushed and punched him in the arm, "that is the rudest possible way to introduce yourself to a girl, and for you information, I have a boyfriend." she hissed, her accent was vaguely British... or Australian, Percy could never tell the difference.

"Good, so do I." Piper elbowed him, "I mean girlfriend... I mean I have a girlfriend... I mean— not that there's anything wrong with boyfriends and... the having of them— I mean— it's just— and I'm not— I mean... uh..." he looked at Jason for help, but the son of Jupiter shrugged, obviously amused by Percy's amazing conversational skills.

Miss Christmas Hair, who had been trying not to laugh, suddenly straitened and looked around. "Khufu says target O has gone for a moonlight stroll."

"...Khufu?" Percy asked. He really hated not knowing what the Hades was going on.

"The baboon not the pharaoh." she answered as if that explained everything.

"Baboon?"

"Yes, Khufu the baboon. Is he deaf?" she asked Jason.

"No, but he is a little slow. Usually his girlfriend does all the thinking for him."

"Hey!" Percy shouted indignantly.

They all sushed him at once, ironically making much more noise than Percy had originally made.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" he whispered, still annoyed.

"Nico likes Will Solace." Reyna began explaining.

"And Will Solace likes Nico." Hazel continued.

"But Nico doesn't know that Will likes him, and vice versa." Piper added.

"So we're going to get them together by the end of the holiday." Miss Christmas Hair finished, looking pleased that she had gotten the last word.

Percy stared at them, "did you rehearse that?"

Jason snorted with laughter, but the girls looked utterly dismayed, "after all that, that's all you have to say?" Miss Christmas Hair scolded.

"And why's he here?" Percy asked plaintively, pointing at Jason.

"He's my boyfriend, and he cares about Nico." Piper explained slowly.

"Why am I here?"

"He has a point." Miss Christmas Hair said, Percy was really starting to dislike her.

"Because he cares about Nico's happiness." Hazel said, glared at Percy, daring him to disagree.

"And it's partially his fault Nico was so miserable all those years, so it's only right that he helps fix it." Reyna said evenly.

"My fault!" Percy spluttered.

"He did blame you for Bianca's death," Hazel pointed out.

"That wasn't my fault!"

"And he had a crush on you for all those years!" Piper put in.

"Which I didn't know about!"

"That doesn't mean you're not to blame for not seeing something that was so obvious!" Reyna explained.

The door of the janitor's closet was opened by none other than Will Solace himself. "Why are you guys shouting at each other in a closet?"

Every seemed to be startled speechless except for Miss Christmas Hair, "and why are you walking in on a group therapy sessions, Mr...?"

"Uh, Solace... why are you having therapy in a closet?" Now Will was just as startled as the rest of them.

"It's a metaphor." she turned back to Piper, "Now, Piper dear, why don't you finish telling the group how you feel?"

Luckily, Piper caught on quickly, "I just feel like nothing, like I don't matter, like anyone is more important than I am and no one will ever care more about me!" Piper burst into fake tears, and Miss Christmas Hair glared accusingly at Will.

"Look at what you've done! We were so close to getting her to the acceptance stage, and now look at her! It will take at least another three months of therapy to get back to that point!"

"I— I'm sorry— I'm just gonna—" he turned to bolt for the exit.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Miss Christmas Hair shouted at Will, who stopped dead in his tracks.

"Out." he said in a small voice.

"Oh no, I'm not done with you yet, mister! You and I will have words!" she stalked over, grabbed him by the ear, and dragged him out of hearing distance.

Percy, Jason, Hazel and Piper watched in wonder as Miss Christmas Hair shouted at Will Solace who was about a head taller than her. He grew paler and paler and kept shaking his head like a bobble-head on steroids. When she finally seemed to dismiss him, she shook her hand reverently and ran away, nearly running into a wall in his haste to get out.

Miss Christmas Hair walked back over, looking rather pleased with herself.

"That was... amazing." Piper said. She sounded deeply impressed, especially for someone who could charm-speak like she did.

"I know, and I've got it all set up too."

"What set up?" Jason asked, still mystified.

"Everything is going down in two nights. Run along, now. We girls have urgent matters to discuss." with that, she walked out of the closet with Piper, Hazel, and Reyna in tow.

"Who is she?" Percy finally managed to find the words to ask after nearly ten minutes of standing in stunned silence in a closet with the son of Jupiter.

"Sadie Kane, magician, twenty-first nome, host of Isis." Jason said, shaking his head, "I feel really sorry for her boyfriend."

Percy nodded in agreement.

_to be continued..._

**What should happen next? One review = one magical, invisible penguin! This is my first fanfic so I'm really sorry if characters are OOC or something.**

**XOXO—your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	3. Of Penguins and Leos

**All of the characters and locations and stuff belong to the wonderful Rick Riordan, whom I am not and make no pretense of being.**

**And thanks to everyone who left a review and helped me come up with the idea for this chapter! That said, enjoy!**

_Annabeth's POV_

Chiron called all the campers together for a story before they turned in. After they had all sat down and gotten about as quiet as one could hope for a large group of teenagers in one place, Chiron began reading,

"Twas the night before christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a—" He was interrupted by the panicked scream of a certain Frank Zhang who burst through the doors squealing for help. And yes, squealing is the right word because, is his panic, his nose had turned into a pig snout. Following him was a positively murderous-looking stampede of penguins and a boy, no more than ten, who was shouting commands to his feathered army.

Sadie Kane jumped up, "Felix! What in the name of Ma'at are you doing to this poor, defenseless Roman?"

Frank tried to hide behind Sadie, which was a comical sight for such a big guy. "I was cold so I turned into a polar bear," he whimpered, "and accidentally frightened some of this lunatic's penguins."

"You gave nearly gave Fluffy a heart-attack!" the penguin kid shouted, "and Bob was just starting to recover from the trauma of having a polar bear kill his troop right in front of him when he was an egg!"

All that Frank could say was, "you have a penguin named Bob with PTSD?"

"And now you're making fun of him! Attack formation twenty-three!"

Annabeth didn't expect anything to happen, but apparently the penguins were well trained, because they immediately lined up with the precision of a Roman cohort and saluted their leader.

At that precise moment, Percy and Jason ran in, swords out. "we heard screaming but got held up." Jason explained, just a little out of breath.

"By mistletoe," Percy added.

"Twice." They both grimaced darkly, but their expressions changed when they saw the penguin army ready to attack a pig-nosed Frank. "What the Hades is going on?" Percy asked, looking as confused and adorable as ever.

"Frank has incurred the penguin lord's wrath." Annabeth explained dramatically.

"Oh," he paused to think, "Frank, I suggest you join the penguin legion." he called to the son of Mars, who nodded before turning into a penguin.

Frank the penguin waddled into the crowd of penguins, sowing chaos as the penguins tried to attack him but ended up pecking their own. It was an all out penguin fight. Their master tried to keep peace, shouting at them to stand down and retreat, but he only added to the confusion.

Holidayers screamed and fled as the penguin brawl spread to where they were seated. One Roman camper tried to climb the christmas tree to escape a particularly vindictive penguin. A daughter of Aphrodite was playing a painful game of tug-a-war with a penguin and her hair as the rope. A hunter of Artemis caught one penguin in her jacket, only to be swarmed by a dozen more. Piper was desperately trying to use her charm-speak on the penguins, who completely ignored her. Percy was dousing holidayers and penguins alike with large amounts eggnog. Jason tried to blast a penguin with wind, unfortunately, penguins are very heavy and absolutely refuse to fly. Annabeth herself had hidden in one of the over-sized stockings on the fireplace; soon the idea caught on, and every stocking had holidayer in it. _The perfect present for any monster_, Annabeth thought.

_Khufu's POV_

Agh! Ruh! Ooh!

[**Translation:** Khufu finally convinced Nico to head back inside and check out what was causing the commotion, he had been receiving fuzzy calls for help from with telepathic link with the loud, blond human for a while... something about non-flamingo birds attacking, which didn't sound very interesting. On the way back, they met jackal boy who had also received some kind of distress signal from the loud, blond human. Nico and jackal boy stared at each other, as if assessing the other's threat-level.

"Anubis?" Nico asked with a guarded tone. Khufu gave a thumbs up.

"Hades?" Jackal boy asked in an equally suspicious voice. Khufu gave two thumbs up. Maybe they wouldn't fight to the death after all!

"Nico di Angelo, son of Hades and ambassador of Pluto, camp Half-Blood." Nico held out his hand stiffly.

"Walt Stone, twenty-first nome, and Anubis, god funerals and judge of the dead." When jackal boy's hand met Nico's, a gray pulse of death magic melted the all snow and killed the all trees in a twenty foot radius around them. They both jumped back in surprise.

"Did you...?" Nico questioned in a voice at least an octave higher than usual.

"No. Did you?" Jackal boy asked, looking equally alarmed.

"No."

What followed was a long conversation about competing death magic from different religions, and blah blah blah... It didn't really interest Khufu, so instead, he focused on braiding more flamingo feathers into Nico's hair. Eventually, they figured something out and decided to go help the loud, blond human.

They charged into the main room, Khufu still on Nico's shoulders, because why run when someone with three o's in his name is willing to carry you? Three o's!

"What in the name of Osiris's holy spine is going on?" Jackal boy shouted, which pretty much summed up the situation.

Non-flamingos were chasing screaming humans everywhere, some humans were hiding in the giant cloth shoes that hung on the flame-holder. One human was blasting everyone with creamy water, another was trying shouting at the non-flamingos with magic word, and the loud, blond human was arguing with the small, annoying human who refused to summon flamingos for Khufu.

Jackal boy and Nico looked at each other and had some kind of silent conversation, they nodded. Nico raised his arms like he was going to do a Michael Jackson dance! At least a dozen undead cowboys crashed in through the window; maybe they were all going to do a Michael Jackson dance! Sadly, Nico's jacket was black not red.

The zombie cowboys started herding the non-flamingos into a corner where jackal boy wrapping them in mummy paper. One on the non-flamingos turned into a large human just before it was trapped in the mummy paper.

Khufu licked his lips, the non-flamingos were starting to look suspicious like a mummy burrito, which is better than no burrito.

"Fine!" The small, annoying human who hated flamingos shouted, then he started chanting. Blue scribbles floated in the air and tasty looking snow swirled around the non-flamingo burrito. When it disappeared, the non-flamingos went with it, leaving only the mummy paper.

Jackal boy and Nico high-fived, sending another pulse of death magic that unconscious-ed several humans, dissolved the sparky tree, and put out the fire.

"Right... No physical contact... Sorry." Nico said sheepishly.

Then another human fell out of the flame-holder.]

_Leo's POV_

Leo knew that he probably should have used the door, and he definitely should have phoned ahead to inform them that A) he wasn't dead, B) he was coming back, and C) he was bringing his new girlfriend... but come on! A giant chimney on christmas eve! He could not have resisted if he tried.

So, he donned a Santa hat that was far too big and grabbed his bag full of goodies from around the world and jumped down, leaving Festus to take Calypso around to the actual entrance.

"Hey guys," he said smiling at their complete shock, "did I miss the party?"

Piper stepped forward, "you— you— you—" she spluttered.

"Me," Leo agreed.

"You're dead!"

"Nope, I was for a bit, but that physician's cure really did work!"

"We burned your shroud!"

"Sorry, I had a side-mission."

"That was more important than letting your friends know your alive!"

"Maybe?" He shrugged, this was not the reaction he had been hoping for... a 'welcome back from the dead, Leo!' party would have been much better.

Then she punched him. There was a sharp crack! and he had just enough time to think, O_h gods, my nose is broken!_ before he blacked out.

When he woke up, Leo's head was cradled in Calypso's lap, and she was looking down on him with eyes full of concern. That wasn't so bad. But the whole front of his face was burning like had snorted acid.

"Hey, sunshine, am I still pretty?" he asked weakly.

She pursed her lips, which was extremely cute, and he wished his face didn't hurt so much so that he could kiss her. "I told you they wouldn't take it well."

"Really? All you have to say is 'I told you so', not 'I'm glad your psycho friend didn't kill you' or 'you look really hot in that Santa hat made for giants'?"

"You are very annoying and covered in soot."

"Close enough." he grinned and sat up, which was a terrible idea... The room spun around him and spots swam before his eyes. "Dang, beauty queen, you really can throw a punch! Can I have some nectar in here?" He shouted.

Leo recounted his story. There were a few tears, mainly from Frank, Hazel, and Piper... even Jason got a little teary-eyed. Percy, on the other hand, was staring at Calypso like she was a ghost, but Nico seemed convinced that Leo was the ghost.

"You are still kind of dead..." Nico muttered, reaching out to poke Leo's arm. He looked at Hazel for confirmation, but she merely shrugged.

However he big guy, whom Leo had never seen before, nodded, "he has an aura of death that I've never seen on someone who wasn't dead or dying."

"So... I'm zombie Leo now? That's cool... Christmas cookies and eggnog anyone? Coming down the chimney like that gave me cravings."

Percy shook his head in agreement, and offered Leo a hand up. Together, they went off in search of cookies while Percy informed him of important things he missed, including the Egyptians, the mysteriously explosive cakes, and his recruitment in the get-Nico-a-date club.

_to be continued..._

_**What should happen next**_**_? I'm planning on doing a secret Santa next; what gifts should be given to and from whom?_**

_**One review = one magical, invisible penguin! This is my first fanfic so I'm really sorry if characters are OOC or something.**_

_**XOXO—your friendly neighborhood kumquat**_


	4. Unexplained Explosions

**All of the characters and locations and stuff belong to the wonderful Rick Riordan, whom I am not and make no pretense of being. That said, enjoy!**

_Zia's POV_

She woke up when the ankle biters, led by the ever-adventurous Shelly, ran into Carter's room shouting something about penguins and Santa's elf in the chimney.

"Why was she in Carter's room?" You may ask. There is a logical explanation... Well, it definitely wasn't because she still had nightmares about Apophis and could only sleep well while in her boyfriend's arms. That would be ridiculous! No... There must be some kind of magical teleportation spell involved. Yes! That's it! A teleportation spell!

Shelly ran up to Zia and showed her a picture of an elf, covered in soot and being punched by a giant penguin in a tutu. Zia really needed to talk with Sadie about the stuff the kids were seeing on tv.

"It'th Chwithmath! It'th Chwithmath!" Shelly shouted happily. She had lost her two front teeth a week ago in an incident concerning a red panda invasion, a high-stakes game of monopoly, and evil tennis balls. Ever since then, Shelly had been singing that retched song that Zia thought was more evil than those tennis balls.

"Yeah, sweetie, it's christmas." She yawned, "um, what time is it?"

"Pwesent time!" Shelly shouted and ran out of the room, followed by her hoard of kindergartners.

Zia nudged Carter in the side, he didn't stir. How he could sleep so deeply after everything he had seen and done, Zia would never know, or perhaps his ba was taking an extended vacation from its body.

"Carter, wake up!" She shook him gently, then less gently, then not gently at all. Patience had never been one of her strong suits.

Finally his eyelids fluttered, "five more minutes, dad," he groaned. Then he sat up so quickly, he almost head butted Zia, "what country am I in?"

"The US."

"Are you sure? This looks a lot like somewhere in Europe."

"I'm sure, unless you count christmas as its own country, we haven't left the US in months."

"It's christmas?" He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, "oh yeah! Christmas!"

She laughed, "merry christmas, Carter."

"Merry christmas."

She had just started to kiss him when the door opened.

"Oh, you are soooo busted." Sadie smirked.

"What? This isn't—" Carter started to say, but Sadie cut him off.

"Yeah yeah yeah, this isn't what I think it is. Whatever. Come on, lovebirds, or we're gonna start opening presents without you." Sadie turned and pranced out the door, undoubtedly to go bust other couples for wanting to sleep in the same bed on christmas eve.

"I am going to get her for that!" Carter fumed, "I saw her sneaking into Walt's room two nights ago!"

"Come on, I want some coffee before the kitchen is flooded by demigods with caffeine problems."

Carter nodded and followed her downstairs.

They were sitting in the kitchen sipping peppermint mochas and chatting with a few couples from the camps, when a loud bang and screams came from the main room. They ran in and found a crying Shelly surrounded by the burning remains of a gift box. In the corner of the room, Zia saw two almost identical boys, barely suppressing their laughter, with them was the kid who had supposedly came back from the dead after the penguin attack, Zia had missed the whole fiasco while trying to find and incinerate all of the enchanted mistletoe. Suspicious, she headed toward them to ask a few questions, but when they spotted her, they bolted.

"Hey, um, Anna..." Zia called to the blonde she had been talking to.

"Annabeth, what is it?"

"Do you have twin boys at camp Half-Blood?"

"The Stolls." Her tone made Zia think that is wasn't the first time the twins had something to do mysterious explosions.

"They were standing over there," Zia pointed, "with that kid who fell out of the chimney."

"Not one day back and stuff is already exploding. Why am I not surprised?"

"You know him?"

"Leo Valdez, son of Hephaestus. We saved the world together." She said in an casual manner that made Zia wonder if she was joking.

"Oh. So, does he blow stuff up often or just on special occasions?"

"In general? At least twice a day, unless he's really stressed, then... just don't stand near him."

"He's that much of a pyromaniac!"

These Greeks are more insane than Set on a sugar-high, no wonder Sadie seems to like them so much! She thought to herself.

"Huh? Oh, no... He just has a... flammability problem."

"Explain."

"Whenever he gets excited, he has a tendency to burst into flames."

Now Zia was sure she was kidding, but she decided to play along, "makes sense, I used to have blackouts where I would chuck fireballs and incinerate potted plants and wheelchairs and stuff."

Now it was Annabeth's turn to be surprised, "really?" She took a nervous step away from Zia.

"Don't worry, I got better," she said smiling, "... mostly."

"Maybe you can pass your knowledge onto Leo? It'd be nice to stand next to him without worrying about losing library books the hard way."

"Well, my fireball problem had to with a sacred dung beetle and a god nicknaming me 'zebra', so..."

"Probably not a repeatable scenario."

"Right."

_Travis Stoll's POV_

This was golden! Absolutely perfect! He could have asked for a better christmas present!

Not two hours after becoming officially not-dead, the son of Hephaestus had approached him and his brother about... How has he phrased it?... 'Coming back with a blast' and they had gotten to work, setting up traps in most of the rooms, hallways, and toilet seats. They had carefully rigged wreaths, bobbles, presents, snack boxes, and of course, more mistletoe. Personally, Travis loved the stuff! He had already caught Katie Gardner three times; he had also caught Frank Zhang as a red-nosed reindeer, but he was trying his very best to forget that had ever happened, though he doubted his twin would ever let him live it down. Currently, Connor was singing 'Travis and Rudolph sitting in a tree' and trying to get Leo to join in.

Leo shushed him, "are we hiding from psycho-fireball chick, or have you forgotten the time she nearly melted your faces off for a mistletoe incident?"

"That was last night." Travis felt obliged to point out.

"Thank you, captain obvious!"

"You're welcome, lieutenant sarcasm."

"Oh, I'll show you sarcasm!"

The door of their hiding place opened.

"Are you guys here for therapy too?" Will Solace asked.

"What? No! We're just hiding from—" both Connor and Leo kicked him in the shin, which was extremely painful and unnecessary, "from our emotions." Tears of pain shone in his eyes.

"So, I suppose we are here for therapy. Care to explain why it's in a janitor's closet?" Connor cut in.

"I don't really get it either, something about a metaphor?"

"Oh," Leo smacked his forehead, "that's pretty clever!"

"What is?"

Before Leo could answer, another blonde stormed in. She was wearing all white pajamas and had a murderous glint in her eye. Between her and Annabeth and Jason, Travis was really starting to hate blondes.

"Excuse me, this is a private session. If you want to make an appointment, you'll have to talk to my secretary."

"Secretary?" Travis asked, wondering who could stand working for such a scary blond.

"Khufu, the baboon, you'll probably find him with Nico di Angelo."

"Your secretary is a baboon?" Connor asked.

"Who hangs out with death boy?" Travis added.

"Yes. What is so unusual about that that everyone feels the need to comment?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." The twins answered in unison with Leo.

The door was opened again, this time by psycho-fireball chick and an equally terrifying Annabeth.

"There you are!" Psycho-fireball chick shouted.

"What is this? Times Square?" Scary blonde no. 1 shouted.

"Sadie... What are you doing in a janitor's closet?" Psycho-fireball chick asked.

Figures, all the scary girls know each other on a first name basis.

"I'm trying to have a one-on-one therapy meeting with my client, but these clowns were here when we got here, and now you and Annabeth are breaking down the door looking for them! Is this the last janitor's closet in the world? Couldn't you find another closet to have your big confrontation in?"

The only non-scary blonde spoke up, "let's just go to another closet." Will suggested.

"Let's." Scary blonde no. 1 agreed, and they left ten twins and Leo alone with psycho-fireball chick and scary blonde no. 2.

"What the Hades is going on?" If Leo, the king of ADHD, was confused, it was not a good sign for the rest if them.

Travis felt like his brains were turning to soup from the effort of trying to figure out what was going on.

"No idea." Annabeth answered.

Now the smartest person in the world had just admitted to not knowing what was going on! I don't know what life is anymore! He wanted to scream. Judging by his brother's expression, he was feeling just as confused.

"Sadie's just being... Sadie..." Zia tried to explain, but her voice died. Even someone who lives with scary blonde no. 1 and deals with her daily was at a loss for words!

"Let's put 'you try to kill us and we run away' on hold until we figure out what's going on." Leo suggested, and the others nodded.

"I'll talk to Walt." Annabeth said, then she saw the twins confused looks and explained, "her boyfriend."

"I'll talk to Carter," Zia put in, "her brother, though I doubt he knows anything."

"We'll follow her and mr sunshine." His brother volunteered, Travis wished his would quit speaking for the both of them. Of course, he had been about to suggest the same thing, so no harm done... this time...

"That leaves me to put surveillance cameras on all of the penguins!" Leo cheered, "I mean— find and question the secretary slash baboon." He corrected when he saw Annabeth and Zia glaring at him. They nodded.

"Sounds like a plan." Annabeth said, "commence operation—"

"Janitorial Duty!" The twins shouted and ran off before the others could protest.

_to be continued..._

**Thank you for all the reviews! They are super helpful and encouraging! I'm running out of magical penguins, so for now, one review=one janitors closet therapy session or a Khufu-approved taco!**

**XOXO—your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	5. Cupcakes!

**All of the characters and locations and stuff belong to the wonderful Rick Riordan, whom I am not and make no pretense of being. That said, enjoy!**

**Also, this chapter really has nothing to do with the story, I just got an idea and had to write it down. So consider this chapter 4 1/2.**

_Coach Hedge's POV_

"You see," he explained to a young satyr between large bites of silver and gold tinsel, "holidays are a responsible chaperone's worst nightmare. They're one big excuse for inexcusable behavior."

The young satyr nodded. All the aspiring protectors seemed to look up to him, with good reason of course; the seven would have never defeated Gaea without the help of him and his trusty baseball bat. Who knows what they might have gotten up to had he not been there? Especially that Jackson and his girlfriend!

Unbearably loud laughter interrupted his train of thought. The Thalia girl had received a neon yellow teeshirt that read 'my friend saved the world and all I got was this dam teeshirt!', and she and Jackson and Grover Underwood of all satyrs were cracking up over it.

"Keep it down over there! I'm tryin' to have a civilized conversation!" he turned back to a group of young satyrs, "now where were we?" he asked.

"You were telling us how you bashed Orion's brains in with nothing but a plastic spoon!" one of them answered, excited to get back to the 100% true story.

"Ah, yes. You see, there I was with only my lucky frozen yogurt spoon and I shouted "hey, you [censored for excessive swearing]! Why don't you come over here and fight someone your own size!" then I charged and I [censored for graphic violence]. By then he was pleading for his life, but I knew that if I let him go, he would keep trying to hurt demigods, and I couldn't let that happen, so I [censored for NC-17 rated violence. Seriously, you don't want to read this. This is some really graphic, messed up stuff. Coach Hedge needs immediate psychiatric help]."

The young centaurs gasped and cheered. Coach Hedge grinned.

"Agh ooh ooh!"

Coach Hedge spun around to find a demigod. "What did you just call me, di Angelo? And since when do you speak baboon?"

"I didn't say anything. Khufu on the other hand..." Just then, Coach Hedge noticed the monkey sitting on di Angelo's shoulders.

"Why you little [censored for curse words so bad, there should be laws against them]."

"Hey, Coach!" Valdez interrupted Coach Hedge's spout of profanities.

"Leo, thank the gods!" di Angelo almost shouted. He had gone even paler than usual, which Coach Hedge would have thought impossible until now.

"Okay..." Valdez seemed a little thrown off by this, but he soon regained his hoofing, "Coach, I got you present!" He handed over a messily wrapped box which Coach Hedge eagerly grabbed. Inside were nine cupcakes. The Coach stuffed the blue one with seaweed in his mouth.

_Leo's POV_

"You want one, di Angelo?" he asked, offering him a half-eaten cupcake with complex equations and a silver owl on it.

"Sure," Nico said, suppressing a smile. He took the black cupcake with a skull-and-crossbones on it. "Hey, Reyna," he called, "come over here, Coach has cupcakes."

Reyna made a face and walked over, only to clamp her hand over her mouth to stop from laughing. Nico offered her the purple one with a golden sword design. Leo motioned for the rest of the seven to come over.

Frank turned into a hyaena while he was trying not to laugh as Coach Hedge ate the cupcake with a frosting iguana holding a frosting bow, and all the metal tree ornament shook as the cupcake decorated with a horse and sprinkled with gold dust was devoured.

"How does he not notice?" Percy whispered to Annabeth as the cupcake with cursive words circling a dove was eaten.

"I'll bet we taste really good." Piper said a little wistfully.

"No wonder monsters are always after us." Jason said as the lightning bolt cupcake disappeared.

"And there I go." Leo said as the fondant flame cupcake was swallowed whole.

It was too much. They all burst out in laughter.

"What are you cupcakes laughing at?" Coach Hedge's eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Nothing," Piper said, wiping a mirthful tear from her eye, "merry christmas, coach."

"I've got my eye on you," he said pointing at her, "I've got my eye on all of you!" He shouted, waving his accusing finger around the room.

_to be continued..._

**Thank you for all the reviews! They are super helpful and encouraging! I'm running out of magical penguins, so for now, one review=one cupcake or one dam teeshirt, you pick!**

**XOXO—your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	6. The Mysterious 7th Floor

**All of the characters and locations and stuff belong to the wonderful Rick Riordan, whom I am not and make no pretense of being. That said, enjoy!**

_Leo's POV_

He smelled the wretchedly sweet perfume before he walked into the room.

"Hey, Drew," he said casually to the daughter of Aphrodite sitting behind the receptionist's desk, "what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?"

She grimaced at him like he was a pile of dog poo she had ruined her designer go-go boots in, "Detention." Her grimace became even more twisted when she said the horrendous d-word.

"Please, keep making that exact same expression for at least another hour." He implored, barely keeping a strait face.

"Why?"

"I heard that if you make the same face for long enough, it'll get stuck, and this one's just too priceless to lose!" He said grinning in a way some *cough* Piper *cough* would have called maniacal.

Drew crossed her eyes, apparently trying to see her own facial expression. When this surprisingly didn't work, she turned to glare at Leo who was now laughing rather maniacally.

"Why are you here, Valdez?" She snarled.

"Can't visiting you, in all your um... loveliness... be a good enough reason?"

"If that's your reason, I'll file harassment charges."

"Then it's probably not my reason... detention for what by the way?" Curse his ADHD brain! Why couldn't it stay on mission?

"Mistletoe camping."

He blinked several times, wondering if his brain had finally snapped and was hallucinating the entire conversation. _How could someone use such a wonderful prank for evil? _The answer was entirely beyond him.

"But I assume that's not why you're torturing me with your presence, honey?" she said somewhat sweetly but almost gagged when she called him 'honey', so she probably hadn't meant it.

"I'm looking for Nico di Angelo's room. Chiron was playing a chess game 'of the utmost importance' with Lupa, so he sent me to Mr D, but he tried to turn me into an insane dolphin with an eternal hangover, so I thought I'd try the receptionist's office." He tried for a winning smile but ended up with an evil smirk.

"Sweetie," she said sympathetically. _What the Hades? Wasn't she mad at me? Now she looks like she's going to tell me I have cancer or something? What if I do? Can I become a demigod Walter Wh_– Drew interrupted his panicking internal monologue, "you know you can do better than him, right?"

_What in the name of Hades's terrifying tighty whities? Did she think– No... But then why did she– I have a girlfriend!_

He continued interrupting his own thoughts for some time before managing to say, "it's not him I want to see, it's the baboon he hangs out with!"

She seemed very confused by this, Leo couldn't imagine why. "If I tell you where that freak's room is, will you leave?" she finally asked, sighing.

"Yes." He tried not to shout. One more minute in a room with Drew, and he might just burn down the building.

"Okay," she shuffled through the files on her desk, "he's in room 709."

"There's a seventh floor?" As far as he was aware, there were only six floor in the entire building, and the top two weren't even open to campers!

He opened his mouth to ask about it, but Drew shouted, "you said you would leave!"

"Right."

He fled the room, not daring to take another breath until he was clear of the perfume fallout radius.

He asked everyone he could find about how to get to the seventh flor, most of them just gave him funny looks and kept walking. _Finding Ogygia was easier! At least I knew where to start!_

"Um... Mr Valdez?" said a voice directly behind him. He turned to find no one, then he looked down. It was just a very short someone.

"That is my surname name, don't wear it out."

"Um... your nose is on fire, sir."

Leo crossed his eyes. His nose was indeed on fire. He patted it out. "Sorry, it happens sometimes, what did you want? Cuz I'm all out of 'Team Leo' shirts, those thing sell like hot cakes... what is a hot cake by the way?"

The kid shrugged, "A cake someone cooked for too long, and it caught on fire?"

"Maybe." This kid was pretty bright.

"Um... I'm supposed to take you to your room on the seventh floor, sir."

"My room?" Leo ask, still very confused at being called 'mr Valdez' and 'sir'.

"Your room on the seventh floor, sir." the kid repeated, nodding.

"That's great, 'cause I was looking for a baboon who lives on the seventh floor!"

The kid nodded again, "two penguins with one stone."

"...What?" He'd never that expression before. _This is a really weird kid_, he mused as said kid motioned for Leo to follow him.

He followed the kid outside, where heavy snow fall had already started. Leo shivered, and his head caught fire. He noticed that the kid, who was wearing nothing but a short-sleeve shirt and swim trunks, didn't seem cold at all.

They got on one of the ski lifts. A sign, with three skulls painted, on it said that the lift led to the

don'teventhinkaboutit level slope called 'Certain Death', which sounded like a wonderful place to take a one-way lift without anyway to come back down. Leo began to wonder if this was some kind of trap. _Nah, and if it is, I'll just avalanche my way out!_

"Are you sure this is the right way?" Leo shouted, but the bitter wind ripped his voice away.

They got off and made their way up a treacherous-looking, narrow mountain path. Leo probably almost died eighteen times due to a lack of ground where there really should have been some, and another five times due to extremely deep snow where there really shouldn't have been any.

They finally reached an old, boarded-up mine entrance that looked like it hadn't been used since the gold rush. The kid ducked under some rusty barbed wire and immediately tripped on a decaying 'no trespassing on pain of death' sign. He motioned for Leo to follow. This time, Leo only had nine near-death experiences as he made his way through the barbed wire and rotting wooden barricade.

For a while they walked in silence, their footsteps echoing in the eery tunnel. Leo saw far too many support beams that were long since past their expiration dates.

They reached one of those ancient mine elevators that you only ever saw in the movies. Inside, there was a rusting bird cage with a tiny bird skeleton in it. Leo tried to remember why a bird would be in mine. _Didn't it have something to do with toxic gas? Whatever. It probably wasn't important._ A good bit of Leo's brain shouted that it was very important and he should get out while he still could because this entire mine was obviously one, big death trap, but he ignored it. Listening to that part of his brain never led to anything fun. _Dying isn't fun!_ The sensible part of his brain screamed. _Been there, done that, got the teeshirt! Not an experience I'd like to repeat, and this time we don't have a magical reboot potion!_ But he continued to ignore all of his brain except the tiny bit that told him how awesome this was gonna be.

The kid punched the button with a faded down arrow on it. The flooring of the elevator looked like someone had spilled a large amount of fruit punch on it. _Wait a second, was that blood?_ Before he could further ponder the possible murder scene, his attention drifted to the box in the corner marked 'warning: dynamite, highly explosive'.

The elevator stopped with a jolt. They had reached the bottom of the mine.

The kid pulled open the door and revealed something Leo had definitely not seen coming. He gasped in surprise and shock.

_to be continued..._

**Muah ha ha ha ha ha! A cliffhanger! :-)**

**Thank you for all the reviews! They are super helpful and encouraging!**

**I'm running out of magical penguins, so for now, one review=one Team Leo teeshirt or one bottle of Drew's toxic perfume, you pick!**

**XOXO—your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	7. The Stolls' Silly String

**All of the characters and locations and stuff belong to the wonderful Rick Riordan, whom I am not and make no pretense of being. That said, enjoy!**

_Travis's POV_

He knew they should probably be watching scary blonde no. 1. He really didn't want to make scary blonde no. 2 mad. Though he doubted she could get angrier than when he and his brother had turned everything in the Athena cabin hot pink, or when they changed the Fourth of July fireworks to read 'Percabeth 4evr! 3 XOXO! Gaea sux!', or when they improved Camp Half-Blood's training schedule by replacing Ancient Greek with two hours of youtube browsing, most of the campers had been very enthusiastic about this change and had refused to let Chiron change it back for months. Travis wondered if Annabeth would like them better if they stopped pranking her so much... Nah, the way her face went all red, and she shouted 'Stolls!' when they exchanged her pajamas for spiderman pj's was far too priceless, even if she had chased them for four hours afterwards, cussing in greek the whole time; Travis wondered if gods ever washed their kids' mouths out with soap. Sure Athena was the goddess of knowledge and stuff, but does that really apply to every curse word Travis had ever heard and about fifty more?

"You're thinking." his twin said.

"Yes, very observant of you."

"What are you thinking about?" Coming from anyone else, this question would sound extremely stalker-ish, but it was becoming the norm with Conner. Travis wondered if that was a bad sign.

"Annabeth."

"Percy's gonna kill you, then get Nico to resurrect you as a zombie, so Annabeth can kill you again and again and again!"

Travis shuddered, Percy had made the same threat to last mortal who tried to hit on his girlfriend, thankfully, he hadn't followed through... yet. "It's not like that! I was thinking it's about time we pranked her."

Conner nodded sagely, he steepled his fingers like some Bond villain. "We shall employ... Project Madagascar!"

Travis took on a painfully terrible Russian accent. "But, sir, Project Madagascar is still experimental! We don't know if it even works yet! What about Project Oscorp? It's shown promise in field tests!"

"No..." Conner said evilly, stroking his invisible cat, "bringing down Agent Owl will require more... permanent measures–"

Travis gasped in feigned shock. "Surely, you can't mean–"

"You know what I mean, Igor, and don't call me Shirley." They both nearly broke character at this, but Conner managed to keep going. "Once Agent Owl is out of the picture, I'll hold her precious allies hostage for one million dollars!" He held his pinky to the edge of his mouth.

At this, Travis broke down in laughter, but he made a smooth recovery by switching to a malicious cackle.

They continued laughing evilly until the door of the janitor's closet they were 'running surveillance' in was opened by none other than Will Solace.

_Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah! Hold the phone! Is he crying? Is Will Freaking Sunshine Solace crying? That probably wasn't even his middle name._

Travis shared a significant look with his brother, Conner nodded slightly.

Will opened his mouth to ask a question, probably 'why do I keep finding random people in random closets when they don't want to be found?', but Conner's hug-attack promptly shut him up.

Travis shuffled through his backpack until he found what he was looking for: demigod-strength silly string mixed with spider silk, fast-growing ivy, Demeter-brand fertilizer, and an Egyptian tie-up-your-opponent-until-he/she-looks-like-a-giant-ball-of-string spell. One can could easily incapacitate monsters the size of a three-story building and smaller. They had been planning to use them as stocking stuffers, then make a major profit when the heroes figured out how useful the stuff could be.

"Sorry, Will," he said as his brother ducked for cover he pushed down the trigger, "we like you and all, but we have bigger fish to fry." As soon as the spray of fluorescent green liquid hit Will's shirt, it began transforming into narrow strings that snaked around his body. In less than five seconds, he was completely wrapped in the stuff, except a small area around his eyes and nose so he could see and breath. He tried to move, which only led to him falling over, then bouncing with a hilarious _sproing!_ sound.

"Mmmh!" He protested.

"Sorry, didn't catch that." Conner said chuckling.

"Hmn mn mmh!"

"One more time."

"Hmmh nmm, Mmmhmn!"

"Something tells me that wasn't very polite."

On a whim, they decided to put mummy-Will under the tree with a bow on his head and card that read 'to the most beautiful'.

_Nico's POV_

Khufu had been going mad for the last half hour, so after a few games of chess with Zia Rashid, Nico gave in.

"Ragh uh!" Nico's knowledge of the baboon language was sketchy at best, but he was pretty sure Khufu wanted him to open presents... that or he was lecturing Nico on the importance of fish tacos in interstellar travel, which was almost as likely, knowing his shoulder buddy. But because he didn't have any fish tacos, white mice, or starships at the moment, he decided to check out the christmas tree first.

When they arrived, Khufu jumped off his shoulders and ran to a neon green present.

"Kah!" This could have meant a number of things, including 'harken to thine stricken lover's side' or 'let's get takeout, I feel like Thai', neither of which seemed very likely. Nevertheless, he dropped to his knees and read the card.

"'To the most beautiful'," he scoffed, "should I go get Will?"

Khufu shook his head and pointed at the present's eyes. _Wait a second, presents don't have eyes! Especially not sky blue eyes that bore a striking resemblance to a certain head counselor's– shut up, brain!_

Nico had just decided that he was losing it, when the present stirred and said, "Hmhm, hmmn!"

Nico jumped back and reached for his sword, but Khufu patted his arm comfortingly, "Kragh!" It sounded like an explanation, but Nico only caught the parts about 'evil, double-humans with living string from shiny can' and 'it's that heal-y guy you like', at that Nico blushed a light pink.

"How do I get him out?"

Khufu gave a meaningful look that almost definitely meant 'the pointy thing! Duh!'.

Nico resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He had been hoping for some key baboon insight. They were very wise creatures... once you got to know them.

He drew his sword and cautiously cut through a few strands of the green stuff. The severed strings reeled up like little snakes and grabbed his hand before he could react. They wrapped around his arm and began snaking toward his shoulder. Panicked, he pulled back only to have it drag him forward with nearly twice the force, causing him to loose his balance and fall face-first onto Will's chest. Immediately, more of the green stuff wrapped around him, tying him to Will in an extremely awkward position, one that only made him immensely grateful that Will wasn't a girl anymore... that had been a weird day... It was a matter of seconds before Nico could no longer move a muscle.

On a normal day, he wasn't really one for physical contact, but this was just cruel. The string smelled like mix between cobwebs and compost, neither of which Nico was very fond of. Not to mention he would be stuck in a position, where he could hear his favorite Apollo camper's heartbeat, for Zeus knows how long. He tried to shift his weight to a less intimate position, and the string tightened uncomfortably.

_Great, just great. When I wished I could get closer to Will, this was not what I had in mind!_ Of course, what had he been expecting? His father had always taken a strangely literal interpretation of his son's prayers; like when Nico had prayed for guidance and received a mortal GPS device, or when he had asked for help with the whole Percy situation and gotten a rainbow flag.

Deciding he couldn't stand this for much longer, Nico summoned a few more undead cowboys and was pleased when he wasn't incinerated and his brain turned into milkshake. Will had made him swear on the river Styx to not use underworld-y magic, as he called it, on the trip unless it was an emergency or an accident.

Unfortunately, the string grabbed the skeletal cowboys as soon as they touched it, adding them to the growing dog pile of suffering. Khufu soon joined them when he tried to help.

_This couldn't get any worse._ Nico thought bitterly, then he heard the door open. He should have kept his mouth shut, the universe just had to prove him wrong!

"Hades elbows!" Clarisse cursed from across the room, he heard her draw a weapon and run to help them. He groaned when he heard her yelp of surprise–battle cry, it was definitely a fearsome battle cry–when she joined the cursed string party.

He had a sinking feeling that he was going to be here for a long time...

_to be continued..._

**Another cliffhanger! Please don't murder me! *whimpers* I swear on the river Styx that I will resolve both cliffhangers in the next chapter! I don't when that is going to be finished (probably because I haven't started it yet... please don't kill me! *ducks rotten tomato*), but I will get it done at some point!**

**Until then, ****let's play a game****... All of the underlined stuff in the chapter is a reference to something outside of PJO and KC, ten points for every one you guess right!**

**Thank you for all the reviews! They are super helpful and encouraging!**

**I'm running out of magical penguins, so for now, one review=one skeleton cowboy or one can of the Stoll brothers' super silly string, you pick!**

**XOXO—your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	8. The Griffin Ride of Doom

**Sorry I spent so long on this one! Personally I blame procrastination, thanksgiving break, writer's block, random colds, and my working on a few other stories (Doctor Who, Harry Potter, more Percy Jackson, and crossovers galore between the three! Yay!).**

**This chapter is dedicated to Puppy Cat, who motivates me to write... mainly with death threats... Poke! You're a true shoulder buddy!**

**All of the characters and locations and stuff belong to the wonderful Rick Riordan, whom I am not and make no pretense of being. That said, enjoy!**

_Leo's POV_

Darkness and silence. As far as he could see, there was nothing down here except more dark tunnels. Exciting!

"Nooooooo!" The single, shrill cry ripped through the oppressive silence of the cavern. It was full of pure horror and agony. "How could you? You murderer! He was an innocent!"

"He was anything but!" A female voice shouted back. "You were sending him around to become a queen and finish your checkmate! Oh yes, I saw your little scheme and put an end to it!"

_Checkmate? Was all that shouting seriously over one little game of chess? Who the Hades plays chess in an abandoned mine anyways?_

Leo ignited his hand because he forgot to bring a flashlight and ran into the slightly less dark tunnel. The ceiling became lower and lower until he was doing a weird army crawl on his stomach and elbows. He could feel a breeze in the shaft, which had to mean it led somewhere... right?

Quite suddenly, he fell into a brightly lit room with thick yellow carpet which was the color of... never mind. He lifted his head to head to see hideous, mauve beanbags that looked like very large, very comfortable prunes. His nose crinkled as looked around the room, whoever had decorated it was either colorblind or a sadist, or both. He wasn't much of an interior designer–scratch that–he was in no way whatsoever an interior designer, but even he knew that slime green rope ladders hanging from the dried-nosebleed ceiling would never ever ever ever ever work. Not even for Taylor Swift. Were those things strategically placed for people to run into at night? The only cool thing in the room was the giant chess board off to the left side. Instead of the usual black-and-white, it looked like ice and fire frozen in time. Instead of pieces, penguins in party hats stood on the fire squares and skeletons dressed for the renaissance fair on the ice side. It looked like they were in the middle of a game, but the players were no where to be seen.

"Hello?" Leo called, rising from the... yellow floor.

"Leo?" Asked a voice from directly behind him. Leo jumped.

"Piper! Gods, where did you come from?" He asked, trying very hard not to look embarrassed.

"My room," she pointed at the rope ladder directly behind her, "why're you here?"

"Before I answer that question, can you tell me where 'here' is, exactly?"

"Underneath the cabin and a few thousand tons rock."

"Thanks," he said in the most deadpan voice humanly possible, "I never would've guessed."

She sighed, probably at his stupendous sarcasm skills, "the seventh floor–"

"But it's under everything! If anything, this is the first floor!"

"Most campers aren't supposed to even know about it; nonexistent first floors are kind of hard not to notice."

"Oh."

"Can I continue?"

He threw himself onto one of the surprisingly comfortable beanbags and steepled his fingers under his chin, "please do."

She rolled her eyes at his comical act of seriousness. "The seventh floor is for demigods and magicians with 'volatile' powers that could 'unintentionally endanger' people."

"Why are you here? Is Chiron afraid people'll die of fright if they see you before you've brushed your hair in the morning?"

She rubbed her temples, "apparently, I've started talking in my sleep since, you know, everything happened. It's caused riots and panic and other bad stuff. So I get a room on the seventh floor."

Leo couldn't help but wonder what stuff she said in her sleep, if it was stuff from the giant war, he could see it throwing the camp into panic. _What if she had an M rated dream about, oh I don't know, her boyfriend?_ He snorted in laughter. _I would pay money to see the crazy mob who overheard that dream._

"So... who else is in the super power mad house?"

"Uh, Walt, he mummifies people if they try to wake him up; Zia'll throw flaming poop balls at you if you talk to her before her second cup of coffee; Hazel makes the tinsel go crazy if she sees PDA; Felix... let's just say he has penguin issues; Shelly keeps summoning giant, killer, rainbow animals by 'accident'; Frank turns into a giant squid if you startle him; Percy, Thalia, and Jason all have... bad ways of resolving arguments; Nico... you've already seen some of the stuff he does if he get upset or something. Is that everyone? Oh, Katie Gardner's started making poison ivy tie people up if... it's 'her time of the the month' and they annoy her." She had a brief coughing fit that sounded suspiciously like 'the Stolls!'.

"And now there's you, I guess."

"Wow, that's a whole lot of crazy in one place. Should we call this 'the manhattan project' instead?"

"Maybe, just don't play chess with Walt. He gets a little... emotional if you take one of his pieces, starts doing funeral rites for it and everything."

'Wow' Leo mouthed. "Does this mean I get my own room?" He asked, suddenly excited.

"Maybe, for now you'll probably share with Zia. She's also flame-retardant."

"Good, I'd hate to incinerate my new roommate."

"So would I." Said another voice, just outside of his range of vision.

He spun around, "fireballs lady!"

She laughed softly. _She has a really nice laugh when she isn't trying to turn you a small pile of demigod ashes–stop it! You have a girlfriend, stupid!_

"Chess? Walt's crying in his room, so you can borrow Nico's set. I'll just keep using Felix's."

He shrugged, this was a little too weird to process right now. "Okay."

_Carter's POV_

The only thing worse than at least fifty demigods, magicians, penguins, skeletons, and a baboon all tied up in magic silly string is when your psychotic griffin friend decides to help and gets partially stuck.

_This is exactly what I wanted for christmas._ Carter thought ruefully as he chased Freak and the world's largest collection of helpless heroes around the dining hall. Freak was screeching in panic as he tried to shake off the attacking silly. Occasionally, he would be distracted by one of the roast turkeys or hams on the tables and stop to eat it.

Carter took a slice at the string ball with his khopesh; it grabbed the sword, Carter only just let go in time.

"Freak! Hold still! You need to hold still! Look! Stuffed turkeys! Who wants stuffed turkeys? You do! Who's a good boy? You are! Hold still so I can knock you out! Then you can have all the stuffed turkeys you want! Yes you can!"

Carter honestly didn't know what his certifiably insane sister was doing._ Does baby-talk even work on griffins?_

Apparently, it does because Freak's ears perked up, and he stopped abruptly, slamming the ball of heroes into the wall. Even if we do save them, they'll be 90% bruises by the time we get them out.

"Think we can cut them loose?" He called to her.

"Hold on, hah-ri!" The hieroglyph burned for a moment in the air. Freak collapsed in a deep sleep. Carter's knees buckled, and he fought to stay awake.

"Brother dear, if you fall asleep, can I draw a mustache on you?"

A yawn escaped, "you aimed that at me too!"

Her eyes widened in feigned innocence. "Me? I would never!"

He opened his mouth to say that she would always do that whenever the most remote possibility presented itself, but before he could, he fell off the table his was kneeling on. His head hit the ground first. It would've knocked him out if he hadn't fallen asleep on the way down.

_Jaz's POV_

She almost envied the people who had been trapped on the griffin ride of doom. At least they didn't have to run around for two eternities afterward, treating bruises and scrapes and broken bones and dislocated shoulders and sprained wrists and and sprained ankles and broken noses and concussions and black eyes and people who aren't really hurt but want attention from the blonde in the nurse outfit.

It had gotten a little better when Will Solace woke up, but the fake injury problem only got worse because there were now two blondes in nurse outfits.

One of the kids who had been seriously injured in the silly string incident fell out of his bed, sat up, and looked around in panic.

Will and Khufu ran over immediately. "Hey, you're awake!" Jaz had the feeling he was trying not to say 'it's a miracle!'.

"Grah!" Khufu said comfortingly as Will helped him back onto the bed.

"Wha—how?"

"You had a shattered shoulder blade, a serious concussion, and a spear to the kidney." Jaz explained, sitting down to examine his bandages and feel for a pulse. "Not to mention a severe vitamin D deficiency, I'd suggest trying to get some more sun."

"What do you think ice been trying to get him to do all summer?" Will's tone was exasperated, but his eyes were full of concern.

"There are some glass laceration that need disinfecting in room seven. Will, could you take care of it? Khufu and I can manage here."

Will looked torn, but he nodded in confirmation. Once he had left, Jaz sighed and felt her patient's forehead for a fever.

"I'd try to avoid him until that puncture wound heals. When he's in the room, your heart rate starts going crazy."

He blushed and stuttered some kind of denial.

"What's you name?"

"You have my file right there."

"Yes I do, so I know your name. The question is: do you?"

"Uh..."

She pressed her lips together in concern, "I'm gonna grab some healing salve and fresh bandages from the storage room. If you happen to fall out of bed, try not to land on your head again, okay?"

He nodded slowly, looking very confused.

**Every review brightens my day and makes me grin like an idiot! Something tells me that giving you guys more of the Stoll's super silly string is a bad idea... So for now, one review = griffin ride of doom or one Freak approved turkey! Your choice!**

**What happens next is also your choice 'cause I really don't know where I'm going with this besides eventual Solangelo!**

**I have a new story up! It's called ****Demigod Dares****! If you like the fic please check it out!**

**This might not be the best chapter, and I'm soooooo sorry it took so long for me to finish!**

**—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	9. Nico's Trial

**As usual, I remind you that nothing belongs to me... no matter how wonderful my writing is, I'm no Rick Riordan or anyone else whose stuff I use in this chapter.**

_Dakota's POV_

He chugged some more eggnog. Jupiter knows he needs it, after the Freak ride and a visit to the infirmary, which had been very short due his being kicked out after trying to hit on the extremely attractive magician who was bandaging his arm.

"Are you Sadie Kane?" He slurred when he saw a blonde with an Easter egg basket pass in front of him.

"Are you drunk?" She responded.

"No! ...this eggnog... is supposed to be alcohol free... I think..."

She laughed. "So long as you're sure."

"Are you her?"

"Sadie Kane?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Oh good, the last person I asked got very offended and threatened to take my eggnog," he cradled the mug against his chest protectively.

"Who take offense at being confused with my wonderful self?" She was positively bristling, but he didn't notice.

"It's not my fault I didn't recognize Jason now that he's grown his hair out some..." he mumbled mostly to himself. He didn't notice that Sadie found his comment extremely funny.

She giggled, "you confused me with Jason Grace?"

He nodded mournfully, "I don't get why he was so angry."

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him for you."

"You will?" He looked up at her with adoration.

"Of course." She patted his arm, not the bandaged one, consolingly, "now why were you looking for me?"

"Jaz told everyone in the hospital thingy to thank you for saving us."

"That sounds like something she would do."

"How did you do it?" He asked in wonder, picturing an epic battle between sorceress in tight, black leather and fearsome beast; a battle full of fireballs and noble sacrifices and earth shattering spells.

"I made a deal with the devil."

"Really?"

"Yup, I had to sell my soul for the power to free you from the evil silly string."

"Woah!"

"Here, I'm gonna give a super top secret mission. Take this basket," she handed him the easter basket, "and give one of the baggies inside to everyone you can find, okay?"

"Are they bombs?" He asked, eyeing the basket suspiciously.

"Nope, just some extra christmas cheer! Gotta run! Tah!"

_Jason's POV_

He was seriously getting tired of holding secret meetings in janitor's closets, and this was only their second meeting. _The kind of trouble I had to go to to find a closet that doesn't have a couple making out or the Stoll brothers plotting evil in it is ridiculous! Not to mention Dakota thinking I was Sadie Kane. Where was that girl by the way? This whole thing's her idea, and she's nowhere to be seen._

"Sorry I'm late, there's a surprisingly large number of janitor's closets in this cabin, which is weird 'cause I haven't seen any janitors."

"What's with the basket?" He was almost positive Easter eggs had nothing to do with christmas.

"Say hello to plan C!"

"Hello, Plan C," Percy said, grinning easily and leaning in the doorway, _just he'd been when–nope! Not thinking about it! Don't go there! Just... don't!_

"Do you have to be so infuriating?" Sadie asked angrily.

"It's one of my best qualities."

"You just keep telling yourself that," she patted him on the shoulder, "Plan A has already failed; if the same happens to Plan B, I need you to execute Plan C."

"...which is?" Piper nervously asked.

"This," Sadie pulled a red, white, and green paper bag out of the basket and grinned triumphantly.

Jason took it hesitantly, inside was a package of hot chocolate, a note shaped like a snowman, several chocolates, a candy cane, enough marshmallows to fill a large mug, and... a toothbrush?

He pulled out the note and read:

"Snowman Soup

"I know you're bored again,

"I'm very sad to hear it!

"With cabin fever closing in,

"You'll need to stir the spirit!

"So here's a little Snowman Soup,

"Complete with stirring stick!

"Add hot water, sip it slow...

"It's sure to do the trick!"

Percy raised his hand slightly, "one question, is the stirring stick the candy cane or the tooth brush?"

Jason scoffed, "that's your only question?"

"Just make sure everyone gets one, no exceptions. You'll need to drink one too, just to avoid suspicion. Plan B will be here any minute, go!" She grabbed Jason's arm, "also, you need to apologize to Dakota."

He was confused but nodded slightly, so she released him.

Jason was reaching for the doorknob when Nico opened the door. He looked more than a little confused.

Sadie assumed an air of presumptuous authority, "Mr di Angelo?"

"Uh, yeah," the baboon on his shoulders nodded sadly.

"Excellent, step into my office," she motioned for him to step into the closet, "I assume you know why you're here?"

"No, not really."

"You stand accused of direct and blatant violation of GNAD ordinances 1-20-7, 63-57, and 45-2, not to mention several serious breaches in the LLCAL code of conduct, what is yr plea?"

"What?"

"Defendant for the accused please step forward," Hazel moved forward slightly. There wasn't much room too move in the closet, "Hazel Levesque?"

"Yes."

"Prosecutor and representative of Aphrodite, please step forward," Piper mimicked Hazel's actions, "Piper McLean?"

"Yes."

Nico was looking even more confused now, "will someone tell me what's going on?"

"This is your trial. You've broken most of the rules in the GNAD and LLCAL books."

"What?"

"Your crimes include denial, pointless partial flirting, avoidance, public displays of blushing, and the most heinous of all crimes, even worse than murder... the dreaded friend-zoning."

"Prosecutor, you may present your first piece of evidence. Percy and Jason, you can go and start C in case this doesn't work."

The boys left as Piper said, "July 4th, last year, eyewitnesses state that the accused shadow-traveled to China when the crush 'accidentally' grabbed his hand while 'reaching for a soda'."

Jason and Percy heard Nico's shouted protests as they retreated down the hallway, baskets in hand.

"Glad I'm not him."

"Not this time, anyway," Percy responded grimly.

**'Twas the night before christmas and all the through the web, not a reader was shouting at kumquat for being such a lazy and inconstant updater... Hopefully...**

**I am currently working on the next chapter; if nothing comes up, and I don't get distracted by shiny things, I'll upload on christmas! (So expect it in a few weeks)**

**Sorry if this isn't a very good chapter, it's mostly set up for Sadie's big plan.**

**Reviews are loved and cherished and given little collars with bells!**

**Also, Ace, if you're reading this, I want my phone back. Soon.**

**—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	10. Die Actually

**No one gave me copyrights for christmas, so I still don't own anything I use or reference in this chapter.**

_Calypso's POV_

Calypso and a small group of survivors hid in the last janitor's closet with a door in one piece.

Leo turned to her, "listen, if I don't make it–"

"No!" She shouted, voice full of desperation and eyes full of tears, "no don't talk like that! You are going to make it! We all are!" She bit back a sob and looked at the round to stop them seeing her cry.

He cupped her chin pulled her face up. "If I don't make it," he rested his forehead against hers. Their short, terrified breaths mixing in the few inches between their lips. He inhaled shakily, "if I'm not back in ten minutes, I want you to take the group into the air vents and find a way out."

Hot tears ran down well-worn tracks on her cheeks. "Leo..." Her finger feathered across his cheek.

"And... If anything happens to me... Calypso..." He brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "I love you."

More tears blurred her vision. He smiled sadly and wiped one away with his calloused thumb, "don't cry. Save those tears for when we make it. All of us."

He grabbed the back of her head and kissed her fiercely. She wove her fingers deep in his curly hair and kissed back just as fiercely. She poured all the terror and and desperation of the last few, nightmarish hours into one passionate kiss.

They broke apart at the frenzied pounding on the door of their hiding place. One of the younger campers squeaked in fear. _Was her name Lacy or Lucy?_

Leo gave a hushed order for them to shut up and hide. "Who is it?" He called out cautiously.

"Nico, for gods sakes let me in! There's a hoard right behind me!"

"What's the password?"

"Bah-humbug!"

Leo opened the door slightly and let in the extremely disheveled son of Hades.

"How bad is it?" She asked him gently.

"Bad," he trembled as he reported on the take-over of the fifth and sixth floors, Chiron's capture, Mr D's disappearance, and the hoard headed for the green slopes, "and they got Khufu!" His voice broke and a single tear slid down his cheek.

Several survivor's clamped their hands over their mouths to silence gasps of horror. Leo started pacing nervously; he ran his hands through his already crazy hair.

"This is bad. This is very bad. Khufu knows where we're hiding, and he knows our plans." He muttered, partially to himself.

"Khufu will never talk! He'll never betray us!" Nico protested loudly, beginning to rise.

Calypso placed a hand on his shoulder, comforting and gently restraining him. "Nico," she began softly, "we both know they have ways of making people talk. Khufu'll try to give us as much time as possible, but we can't let his sacrifice go in vain; we need to move. Now."

He smiled bitterly, "I guess that answers my next question. Why bother saving one measly baboon when there's so many real people here?"

She tried to ignore Nico's scathing comment. _He knows it's not like that, we all do. Leo's trying his best to keep as many people as possible safe._ She told herself, almost believing it.

They heard rapidly approaching footsteps accompanied by the harsh clanking of jingle bells.

Leo rounded on Nico, "idiot! You led them right to us! Calypso, take everyone into the vent! I'll distract them!"

She grabbed his hand, her eyes seethed his silent fury. "I'm coming with you. Nico will take them out."

"Are you always this stubborn, sunshine?"

"That's why you love me."

"Together then?"

"Always." She steeled herself to their certain doom.

"Nico, can I count on you to get them to safety?"

Nico nodded slightly, he started helping people into the vent.

Leo threw open the door, "hey! Santa isn't real! Christmas is the worst holiday! Eggnog is disgusting!" He shouted at the approaching mob, which responded with a cry of fury.

He and Calypso ran hand-in-hand away from the insane carolers. She hadn't realized how ominous 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' sounded until now, while being chased by deranged holidayers who were chanting it like a demonic summoning ritual.

They ran through halls that were barely recognizable due to the bows and holly and christmas color streamers.

She looked into a room as they passed and saw that it was filled with multicolor yarn, incomplete sweaters, and campers with crazed, gray eyes who were singing about... drums... she would never understand mortals and their bizarre holidays.

When they entered the kitchen, Leo pulled her into one of the cupboards and placed a silencing finger on his lip. Their pursuers ran in and paused in confusion. When Calypso saw their leader, she blinked back tears. Percy Jackson began to search the room; his eyes glazed over when he found an open cookbook on the counter.

"Cookies," he explained to his followers.

"Cookies," they agreed.

The chase forgotten, Percy split them into groups, for 'sugar cookies', 'gingerbread', 'chocolate chip', 'oatmeal raisin', et cetera.

"Did you know this would happen?" Calypso whispered to her boyfriend, who was grinning in that stupidly endearing way she both loved and hated.

"Did I know that people cursed with christmas spirit can't resist making something more festive? Maybe... But did you know there's a secret passage to the seventh floor in the potato cellar?"

"That's why we're hiding behind large bags of yams?"

"Yes, and who the heck puts spuds in their christmas cookies anyway?"

"What about latkes?"

"Wrong holiday, honey."

"It's not my fault you humans have so many similar holidays in the same month"

He gave her the 'you're so cute when you don't know the basics of life on earth' smile that made her want to either slap him or kiss him.

"You mentioned a secret passage to somewhere you forgot to tell me about?"

"Oh, yeah... that," he rubbed the back of his head and grinned sheepishly.

Calypso found it infuriating that she couldn't hold a grudge against him when he made that face. _Talk about an oxymoron!_

_Will's POV_

The throbbing headache woke him up. He told his eyes to open, they complied with extreme reluctance. _Why the Hades am I tied to chair with wrapping paper and hideous sweaters? Oh, right, the christmas cheerers caught me..._

On the other end of the room, he could see Travis Stoll tied to a chair in much the same way he was. Someone who looked exactly like Annabeth, minus the reindeer themed sweater, and smiled cheerily at Travis, a snowman mug in hand.

"Travis," she sounded exactly like Annabeth too, only with a jolly disposition that would've made Saint Nick look depressed in comparison. "I made you some snowman soup! Drink up! You'll feel so much better!" Each word was accentuated with vigorous head bobbing.

Travis twisted in his binds to get a better look at the mug, "that's hot chocolate." He explained in a dead serious tone.

"Snowman Soup!" Not-Annabeth replied forcefully.

"What's the difference?"

"This is Snowman Soup, but hot chocolate is not."

"Oh," his voice was heavy with sarcasm, "now that you put it that way, it makes perfect sense."

"I know!" She shouted happily, grinning wider than the Grinch.

"Why should I drink this–"

"Snowman Soup!"

"Why should I drink this Snowman Soup?"

As she was busy explaining just how his drinking it would make christmas all the more perfect, not-Annabeth didn't notice Travis squirm desperately in his bindings, trying to get free before she finished monologuing.

"Do you understand now?" She finally said.

"Uh, no, could you run though it one more time?"

"Silly me!" She shouted, slapping herself on the forehead, "if you just drink the Snowman Soup, everything'll make sense! And christmas will be perfect again!"

"What if I don't want to drink the Snowman Soup?"

In a heartbeat, her tone switched from overly-cheery to menacing. "Vee haff vays of making you drink, Mister Stoll."

"I'm not going to justify that line with a response."

"I'm sorry it had to come to this. Bring in the radio!" Annabeth shouted the second part to the door behind her.

Clarisse La Rue ran in carrying a large radio covered bows and ribbons.

"Hi, Will! Hi, Annabeth! Hi, Travis!" She shouted, practically jumping up and down in excitement. "Isn't it beautiful today! The snow is wonderful! It's all sparkly and everything! I love sparkles! I love everything! I love christmas! Isn't christmas wonderful? It makes everything sparkly!" She cackled merrily ((A/N: if you don't know what a merry cackle sounds like, try it; it's extremely disturbing)), pulled large amounts of christmas-colored glitter from her pockets, and threw it in the air before skipping from the room singing an extremely off-key 'Joy to the World'.

When Clarisse's 'singing', which would be better categorized as 'screeching like a banshee in scalding water', could no longer be heard, Annabeth turned to Travis, "this is your last chance, Snowman Soup or a torture too cruel for the Fields of Punishment?"

Travis scoffed, "you'll never make me drink your..." dramatic pause, "hot chocolate!"

Annabeth gasped, a melodramatic hand over her gaping mouth , "how dare you tarnish the name of Snowman Soup! You'll pay for that, Stoll!" She pressed the On button of the radio with a vindictive flourish.

It truly was a fate worse than death: Justin Bieber singing about mistletoe.

Travis screamed in anguish, while Annabeth plugged her ears. Will wished for one of those convenient bricks that always knock Jason out; anything but this torment.

"Please! Make it stop! I'll do anything! Just make it stop!" Travis sobbed.

Annabeth turned it off with a triumphant gleam in her eyes. She offered Travis the mug, which he then reluctantly drank from.

His head slumped forward almost instantly. Later, Will could've sworn he heard the son of Hermes muttering about magical fruitcake while was unconscious.

Minutes passed before Travis suddenly jerked forward. "Perfect! Must make it perfect! More eggnog! More carols! More tinsel! More cookies! More christmas specials! Perfection! It must be absolute perfection!" He screamed, straining against his bindings with a renewed fervor.

Annabeth's eyes widened in glee, "exactly," she murmured as she cut him loose.

There was a knock on the door, "is this a good time?" Asked a voice Will recognized as Katie Gardner.

"Sure, come in." Annabeth responded while Travis paced back and forth reciting various eggnog recipes.

The door opened, and kids dressed as elves with terrible fashion sense dragged in a limp body. Even though he was bound hand-and0foot by 'Merry Christmas' banners, Will immediately recognized the gloomy, punk-style clothes and far too attractive black hair.

_Gods of Olympus... Nico..._

**Yay! This update is as close to on-time as I'll probably ever get! What's that you say? It's six days late? Just be glad I finished this chapter before 2015!**

**Didn't proofread as much as I should have... If you see any typos and stuff please tell me!**

**And yeah, this chapter is dedicated to those people who get so obsessed with making christmas perfect, they end up ruining it by making everyone around them miserable. It's also dedicated to Bruce Willis: yippee ki-yay, monkey fighters!**

**I don't know when this story mutated into a strange mix of Die Hard and Love Actually, but it's a thing that happened at some point... so I'm just run go with it!**

**How was you guys' christmases by the way? I got to sleep in, have cake, and I got a sword, so mine was pretty good!**

**There's probably only gonna be one or two more chapters left...but who knows? I might keep going if someone gives me a really good idea!**

**Hint**

**Hint**

**One review = one bag of Snowman Soup! ...or the antidote...that's good too...**

**—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	11. update update

**Hey, guys! Kumquat here with a quick announcement! I'm not going to bore you with the details, but I have a lot of stuff to work in my life outside of fanfiction.**

**_Reader: You have a life outside of fanfiction?_**

**Shocking, right? Well, I do, and currently, it's a mess. I promise as soon as I figure everything out, I'll be back and better than ever! More frequent updates and everything!**

**_Reader: haha! You? Normal updates? When pigs fly!_**

**-_- I didn't say normal (I am anything but), I said more frequent. As in: more frequently than I usually do.**

**Wow, are you still reading this? Kudos to you, here's a gold star!**

**You guys can expect me to start updating again after January! Also, you're all awesome, and I love every single one of you! Thank you so much for putting up with my nonsense and reading my nonsensical randomness!**

**See you next month!**

**—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	12. The End?

**I'm back from my break with the final chapter! So this is kinda bittersweet for me...*cries* I'll miss you guys!**

**I still don't own anything, that world-domination plan didn't work out after all.**

_Will's POV_

"Katie..." Travis said softly.

Katie turned quickly from where she was tying Nico to a chair with a 'Merry Christmas' banner. "Travis, if you're going to prank me again, I'm just not not in mood." She choked back a dramatic sob.

Will felt like he trapped in the end scene of Hugh Grant's latest Rom Com. He could practically here the violins.

"Katie, it's christmas." Travis stated the obvious as he took a step toward her.

"I know that."

"And christmas is a time for telling the truth." He took another step forward.

"Okay..."

"And I just wanted to tell you—"

"I swear, if you're going to insult my hair again—"

"I wanted to tell the truth about how I feel... about you..."

"We've been over this before, you hate my stupid hair and how I walk and how I pronounce crayon—"

"And how your eyes sparkle when you smile and the how your adorable nose crinkles when you laugh and how your hair looks like pure gold when you stand in sunlight."

"Travis, what are you trying to say?" She asked nervously, trying to hide her blush with her sweater; now she looked like an over-grown, festive turtle.

"But do you know what I hate most about you?"

She shook her head slowly.

"I hate that you have bewitched me, mind, body, and soul." Is he quoting something? Will thought, half-wondering where the hidden cameras were. "And I love you... most ardently."

_Pride and Prejudice, he's quoting freaking Jane Austen!_

"Oh, Travis!" She leapt forward, tackled him to the ground, and kissed him fiercely. "All this time?"

"Always." He murmured, still gasping from the shock of suddenly having a Katie on his chest.

Katie squealed in delight. Will didn't have time to marvel at how out of character that was for her before she dragged a still stunned Travis from the room, babbling about 'couples ice-skating'.

Annabeth rubbed her hands together evilly, "another happy ending!" She shouted gleefully, then she turned on Will and the now-conscious Nico, "you're next!"

She left the room with an eerily jolly cackle.

Nico's POV

He blinked several times and shook his head, trying to clear the fuzzy feeling he had since he woke up. He was convinced waking up to a real-life rerun of every romantic christmas movie every stuffed into one scene had something to do with the throbbing behind his eyes.

"Hey, di Angelo?" Will said softly.

"What?" Nico answered a little more harshly than he intended.

"Uh..." Will chewed his lip nervously, it was one of those adorable habits—Nico mentally slapped himself._ He's your friend! Friends aren't adorable or cute or hot or sexy! They're friends!_ He'd been having the same conversation with himself for the last four months or so. Will was a great friend, and really Nico's first, close friend, but being best friends with your crush might be the worst feeling in the world. If not, it's definitely in the top ten, right next to being slowly crushed to death by a swarm of angry wasps.

Nico strained against the banner holding him to the chair. He needed to get out of here before more un-friend-like thoughts took up permanent residence in his brain.

"You–you saw what happened to Travis after he drank the 'Snowman Soup'?" Will asked hesitantly.

"Most of it, yeah. Why?"

"Do you...think it has the same effect...on everyone...?"

"From I've seen, it gives the drinker too much christmas spirit and makes them act...differently; they want to make christmas 'perfect' and'll do whatever they think will make christmas more christmassy."

"So...if someone had a...secret...they'd had for a long time...it'd make them confess?"

"Probably. In the most christmassy way too, whatever that means."

What's he getting at? Nico pondered silently. The useless, worthless, and utterly pointless emotion known as hope fluttered in his chest, he did his best to crush it immediately. _Dream on, di Angelo, not in a million years. Knowing Captain Sunshine, he's probably worried about a late library fee or something...but he does have a point, if I drink that...who knows what I'll say..._

"Will...I have something to say, and I want to say it in my own words, not some christmas crap I'll want to bash my brains out over when the curse wears off–"

"Nico, I–"

"Just...let me ramble for a bit, I'll get where I'm going eventually...maybe... Uh... Rainbows... Hammers... Candy game... Me... You... Yeah..." He looked up, hoping Will could see what he was getting at.

Will, however, looked one hundred and ten percent confused, "what?"

Nico took a deep breath and prepared for the plunge into icy, piraña infested water. "I like you and by like I don't mean like I mean like like, like liking you." He said all in one breath, completely disregarding every other rule in the book, the grammar book.

Will blinked several times, trying to process Nico's really-shouldn't-be-called-a-sentence sentence. Nico could easily picture the beach ball of death floating over their conversation.

"What?" Will finally said, perfectly summarizing Nico's attempted confession up to this point.

"Gimme second to...organize my thoughts."

_Six words! That's it! Not that difficult, no big words, nothing over one syllable long! Just do it already!_ His brain screamed at him. His heart was going so fast, Nico was a little surprised he hadn't keeled over from heart-attack yet. His fingers felt like solid chunks of ice.

"I have a crush on you!" They both both blurted out at once.

_The End_

**Haha! Partial cliff hangar, except this is the last chapter, so you can make up your own ending. There will be an epilogue at some point, so stick around.**

**Until then, thank you so much for all the support! And thanks for putting up with all my randomness and lateness and stuff. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, ask and thou shalt receive actual replies in the epilogue's AN.**

**And here are magical penguins and cans of Drew-Be-Gone spray for everyone who read and enjoyed this silly story!**

**—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


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